N is for Nipples (my nipples. mine.)

Well a tag from my friend over at Two Shews has prompted me to contemplate mommyhood and replace the racism/landmines/amputation ramblings with some thoughts on the finer points of motherhood. Check out her blog, she's hysterical. It's really this quote that got me started and just in time for the letter "N"

"Willingly offer up your tender, ground-up-hamburger-like nipple to be tortured and chewed in the name of sustenance. Every twenty minutes. While being sh*t on." from Real Moms Go Willingly Where Others Fear to Tread

So here are some things on my discovery list as I moved from the theory to practice of being a Real Mom: Real Moms Figure things Out Along The Way

• I knew my nipples would feel like sausages
• I did not know my nipples would look like sausages

• I knew Khubz would think my nipples belong to her
• I did not know my partner would agree with her. :)

• I knew pumping at work would be arduous but possible
• I did not know I would enact elaborate rituals: slideshow of pictures on the computer, 10 minutes of breast massage, putting out a baby blanket that smells like Khubz, pumping for 15 minutes and finally, spending an additional 10 minutes willing every last drop into the bag. Repeat every 2 hours.

• I knew some people at work would be uncomfortable with my half-naked cyborg activities eating up a full 1/3 of my workday.
• I did not know I would be embarrassed putting my nice warm bag of freshly expressed milk into the office freezer as someone else was pulling out their "lean cuisine" frozen meal.

• I knew I would love this little human child
• I did not know I would so thoroughly love every part of her, even when she was eating me to death.

• I knew that sometimes I would need space away from her
• I did not know that I'd want to spend that time away looking at pictures of her

• I knew that sometimes I'd get frustrated
• I did not know that I would swing so quickly between adoration, frustration, exhaustion, irritation, certainty, conviction, self-doubt and guilt.

• I knew having someone else care for her would be difficult
• I did not know that I would still be sick about it after I "adjusted"

• I knew I would eventually want to have sex again
• I know I will eventually get to have sex again. Uninterrupted. Someday.

Fear not, there's more (oh, there's always more.) But it is time to pump again and we all know how long that takes me.

Hungry for more? Check it out: Real Moms Truths