5 things

that I am proud of.

Khubz:

1. She is extremely polite. I know 4 year olds are necessarily "considerate" but I think she generally cares about my feelings. She knows that tone is important. "Please" and "thank you" are regulars with her. She was "snack friend" for preschool and upon picking her up the very first thing she told me was, "Mommy--everybody sure liked the oatmeal cake! Even Vinny!"

2. She is impressed with herself and she enjoys letting people know that she is impressed. Case in point? After visiting the science center where a woman was impressed that Khubz boldly pet a snake, Khubz announced loudly everywhere she went "and I pet a snake and was NOT afraid!"

3. She loves reading. She just loves being in the company of books. We often go in to kiss her goodnight and find that she has snuggled up with a book to fall asleep with. She also mouths the words as you read out loud--even if she doesn't know the book. She will repeat it after you in a whisper. Her teacher suggested she is trying to memorize the book for when she reads it to herself later. I think she's right.

4. She sees destruction as a form of construction. For example, pulling all of the pillows off of the couch=creation of a space ship or tunnel or building.

5. She has finally stopped trying to climb the christmas tree. Thank god.

Thumper:

1. He loves to count. He doesn't associate it with a number of objects but he enjoys the pattern of "one, 'oo, 'ree, 'our, 'ivef, SIXXX, 'even, eight, 'ine"

2. He is working very hard of curbing his biting. We have teething toys all over the house and whenever he seems wound up or tired or at a loss he bites down on the "chewy." It is not easy. He really enjoys the sensation of biting down on soft, pillowy flesh. But the teething toys are helping and he is really trying.

3. He asserts himself. Into Khubz's play, into the mommies' laps, into the mix. He declares loudly "bigkidd!" and dismisses the idea that he is a second class citizen. He is ready for the world--didn't you get the memo?

4. He loves reading. At the end of a quiet night, after bath, Khubz and Thumper and I spread books out in a 180 degree arc around us on the floor. Then we steadily make our way through the "reading party." And Thumper loves to pick the next book, point out key turns in the plot, turn the pages and show me which bunny or dog or snowflake on the page is him.

5. He tells us when he poops. Not always. 90% of the time. That's pretty good. He still dashes away after making his announcement. But I still appreciate the heads up.

Scully:

1. She took three days off for her birthday. Day one was get things done around the house. Day two was take me and the kiddos to the science center and out to lunch for a fantastic family day. And then she and I went out to dinner for some mommy time. It was a perfect day. Day three was alone time for her, dissertation time, down time, quiet time. Everybody had everything they needed without resentment, jealousy over time, frustration or feeling overwhelmed. It is really hard to create balance with precious and rare days off. Scully did this masterfully and we had one of the best weeks of our married lives.

2. My SJP friend is visiting this weekend and Scully has been all over the kids. SJP and I have had loads of grown up alone time. It is really nice.

3. She organizes the kids each weekend to clean the house. And not only do the kids actually get involved but the house actually gets clean.

4. There's been a lot of soul searching and reflection about the last two years since our big move. Introspection = super attractive quality in a mate.

5. She can parallel park that enormous truck of hers into any space imaginable and, strangely, it really works for me.

My own fine self:

1. I have worked very hard the last two years to make some local friends. It is quite intimidating to hand your number to some random woman and "hope" she likes me enough to meet up at a park. It feels a bit like high school in some ways. But I really have met some cool women. We are all still getting to know each other but I am making friends.

2. I am blogging. At least this post right now.

3. Every single day I read to the kids. Every single day we make some sort of art. Every single day we move our bodies at a park or play pals or dancing around to the fabulous tunes of Dan Zanes.

4. I am volunteering at the local domestic violence/sexual assault project. I don't hang out in the volunteer office but go out with crafts, or art or Uno cards or whatever to actually engage with people. When no one is around, I do the dishes or clean. My mantra is "there must be a purpose!" In other words, I am not volunteering to hang out in an office. I must create some sort of change even if that is just clearing away the dirty dishes.

5. I am listening to Democracy Now again. It makes me feel like a thinking person. It makes me think and question and grapple with questions of colonialism, power and voice. And I do believe I need to take more action on these issues but, frankly, I am happy to just be in the company of these questions again. They feel like old friends and I have missed them.

Rituals 2.0

I have so many blog posts bouncing around in my head but very little computer "face time." I have lots to say about Juan Williams and what is/NOT censorship. Plenty of thoughts on a local hater who is running for state house with his "get government out of people's lives (except for the queers)" Many Qs about "gender neutral" clothes for kids and why that only seems to mean "boy" clothes for the girl but no skirts and dresses for my boy???

All of these are platitudes and they bore me even writing them out in a mention.

But since this is my scrapbook of sorts I want to remember a few rituals. We have got quite a good rhythm going, the tribe y I.

Tuesday afternoons we wagon over to the bookmobile. Maj, Khubz and Thumper are all loaded in to a wagon. There's a little bucket that acts as a third seat. It is not far to the bookmobile but everyone wants the wagon so they can pour over their new books on the way home. On the short walk out there the kids are usually having afternoon snack--something not messy. We round the corner and the kids all shout out that they saw the bookmobile first.

Walking in is like walking in to a cathedral. The older kids become hushed. Thumper cries out "Elllmo!" like he has just seen jesus. We all climb in and begin the serious business of picking our special book.

The trip home is nearly silent. All three of the kids flip through their books. Cars slow down as they pass us just so they can smile at the train of budding bibliophiles. I am so proud of them. When we get back to our house the kids pile in and sprawl out. Sometimes they go to far corners for some space with their book. Sometimes they clamor around each other and begin peeking at each others' finds.

And we sit and we read for a loooong time.

Tuesdays rock.

Girl Knows

When we pick Scully up on campus we have a little ritual. Scully comes out of the building and I get Khubz out of the car. I plop her on the sidewalk and she runs at full galloping speed towards Scully who, naturally, picks her up and spins her around. Thumper watches it all while still hermetically sealed in his carseat and dreams of the future.

We do this about once a week.

Last week we went to pick Scully up. She had just come out of the building along with a crush of people. Khubz hits the pavement and gears up her run. About three feet from Scully is another woman. This woman is white. With long brown hair. Tall. Wearing bright red glasses.

And Khubz ran right for her calling out "Mama!"

Why?

Because this woman is a dyke. Not only did she look like a dyke but Scully knows her and she is, in fact, a dyke.

And Khubz surveyed the crowd, saw a dyke and ran towards her.

Three year old with gaydar=priceless.

dia de los muertos

Well, I am posting this too late to get in on the goods over at Crafty Chica. But every good altar deserves a post (even if only a picture post.)

almost back with the living

So a bit of postpartum depression going on. It will pass and I am keeping my eye on the horizon. Enormous gratitude for a toddler who will sleep through a newborn crying and a newborn who will sleep through a toddler crying. In fact, let's just get a gratitude list going.

Thank yous to the universe and to

• Friends who still love me even though I haven't answered my phone in three weeks.
• The blogosphere with their well wishes even though I haven't been online in three weeks
• Family who do not roll their eyes at me even when I say things I know are painful & ridiculous (or perhaps, painfully ridiculous)
• A beloved Scully who is right now cleaning the house and rallying Khubz to help her
• My unbelievable mother who got SOM to sleep for a five hour stretch
• Khubz who asks me regularly, "mommy crying? I'sokay, mommy. 'Sokay."
• SOM who is a shockingly laid back baby
• Everyone who is still waiting for those baby announcements. . . they will get mailed out eventually--i promise
• Elmo, Bob Construe and Plaza Sesamo--who have been a crucial part of my parenting lately
• Every daycare provider everywhere
• Friends who drive up despite my warnings that I will ruin their weekend
• Rosemary & Thyme (the "herb detectives" as Scully calls them) for their vapid show, the equivilant of scooby doo for adults
• Lots, lots more.

Khubz version 2.0

Well you know that she is two now. Two. As in two years old.

She sings everything. ABC is still a favorite but so is Bob the Builder: " Bob Construe! ¿Podemos hacerlo? Bob Construe! ¡Sí, podemos!" (scully, feel free to weigh in with spelling corrections)

She surprises us with words we haven't practiced like "Crap!" but also "Ramadhan!" or "WatchTV?"

She likes to sit on the potty and makes a sound like "ssssssss" while saying "Khubz pee? pee?"

Bedtime is usually easy going.

The last few nights have been hard because we got out of our routine. I am hopeful tonight will be back on track. It usually goes like this: "Khubz? We're going to ______ (color one more picture, finish one more puzzle etc.) one more time and then head up to bed." and she usually responds with "no." brief, punctuated and lilting. no.

But we ____ one last time anyway and I say, "okay, Mommy's going upstairs." I take the babygate down and she rushes after me. She will pick up whatever is on the bottom step (where things live to remind us to take them upstairs.) She'll grab my bra or Scully's shoes or newly purchased deodorant or whatever. Very. v e r y s l o w l y she'll head up the steps. Once we're at the top of the steps she'll rush down the hall into our room.

I put the gate up and start the bath. She informs me she does not want a bath. Or that she wants a bath but her stuffed animal (most recently puppy or cow) has to come with her. Then she scrambles into the bathroom to feel the bathwater and inform me that it is too hot or that we need to add some bubbles.

I take her suggestions under advisement and scoop her up for "NAKD TIME?"

This is one of the highlights of the day. Not only does she thoroughly enjoy naked time but I love swatting at her completely adorable naked bottom.

Jammies and a fresh diaper get laid out on the mommies bed for after bath. I put her in the bath. We usually playfully laugh through scrubbing of toes and we usually woefully weep through rinsing shampoo from her head. Once done we towel off and lay down in the mommies bed for the official end to naked time: Diaper time.

Diaper goes on. Khubz crawls away. I grab her feet and pull her back. She squeals (in delight or in protest) and we repeat until the jammies go on. She immediately gets down from our bed and runs into her room.

Her goal is always to beat me to the chair in her room. I don't know why this is a constant goal because I've never, ever said "Oh. Khubz is already in the seat. I guess I'll sit on the floor." I just scoop her up and then return her to my lap. But before this happens I stick my head in her room and ask if it is time to brush teeth.

Clammer to the bathroom. She gets up on her stool, grabs her toothbrush and turns on the sink. She loves this power. I brush my teeth, she brushes hers and then once she's done I help. She turns the sink and rinses off her toothbrush. I turn it off and encourage her to put the toothbrush back in the holder. She turns the water on and rinses off my toothbrush. I turn it off and put my toothbrush away. She turns the water back on to fill up the cup to rinse. I turn it off and pour half the water back out of the cup. She turns the water back on for round two. Off. Back on to wash hands. Back off. Really. Reaching the faucet=untold powers. Trust me.

We sit down together in her room. We read one or two or three or four books based on how the mommy feels and how late it is.

"If you give a pig a party" is in hot rotation.

And what happens if you do give a pig a party? "She's going to ask for some balalalloons."

She also loves to point at the picture of the pig standing on a stack of party hats and say, "On bottom, piggie. Listen to Mommy. On bottom."

I take this as proof that she does hear what i say when I tell her to sit on her bottom and her refusal to do so is willful defiance rather than a lack of understanding.

Also in hot rotation is "We all Sing with the Same Voice."

This book is awesome not only because it looks like our family but also because it doesn't dwell on it. It is about being normal in all the ways people say we're not normal. It is also awesome because it comes with a CD and although I can't sing the whole book we sing the chorus which appears throughout the book. Khubz calls it the "ahmony" book for the last line "And we sing in harmony."

It also makes a great segue to singing songs. We always do at least one song and usually two.

Then we'll lean over the railing for a goodnight blessing from Mama. We kiss the Goddess (there's a Guadalupe plaque in her room) and Khubz turns off the light. Mommy gets one more kiss and she snuggles into her bed. Then we have to go through the checklist.

"Okay, ya Khubz, you got puppy?"

"yea."

"Toby?" (another puppy.)

"yea."

"Neffie?" (yet another puppy.)

"yea."

"_____" (insert wildcard here: cow, sheep, bunny etc.)

"yea."

"Okay, want mommy to put your blanket over you?"

"yea."

"Ready? Set?"

"Go!"

I lay the blanket on top of her and close the door.

The whole routine can go as fast as 20 minutes or as long as an hour. This does not make me crazy because I am usually the person elongating the evening more than Khubz. All this does route me back to our problems with consistency and sticking to routine. As my mother says, "You are the solution, fruitfemme." (only, she's never actually called me fruitfemme.)

It really is nice though. Most of the time.

This will all surely look different in January.

For now though it is hard to say no to one more story.

happy equinox

My favorite quote off a cover of an indigo girls album

"May this equinox find us more honest about the darkness, more perceptive of the light."

I do believe in magic but not in a "Jesus will save the polar bears even if all the ice has melted" kind of way. But I do believe that rituals can give me greater control over my own feelings, perspective and power. Magic is the the ability for me to effect change within myself and then to see that same transformation in my world. Of course, this isn't my bright idea. It is everywhere in the world.

Its the whole She Changes Everything She Touches And Everything She Touches Changes thing. This is the best way I have to understand what mothering Khubz has meant to me. Serious magic, that girl has. Serious.

So Equinox magic, Mabon Magic, Autumn and Ramadhan magic. Today is a very special day.

Don't believe the myth that this is harvest-only. There is fertility in every season. Think about planting deep in the earth with an eye towards spring because some of us need a long winter cuddle before heading out into the world.