Please don't feel any fear.
I have loved her ever since. I was raised with the idea that I am sacred. But it was the first conscious moment where I knew that my body as it is might just be sacred. And I trembled with the thought that I might worship that which was like me.
I have a necklace of the venus in bronze. "Is that Buddha?" I was constantly asked. "Look closer" I offer them the perfect view of her cunt.
Writing from KY, I am wearing the small silver labrys I've worn the last 8 years. And I'm not trading in the labrys for the venus--so please no worries of prioritizing identities. But I think I need her now. Distinctly.
Being such a large woman now pregnant with twins means I am acutely aware of gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, diabetes in general, worried about throwing my back out when I'm only 4 months along. . . . you can all guess. I've also been reading that some of the best indicators of health for twins is the mom's nutrition and steady weight gain throughout the pregnancy.
And 120 grams of protein a day.
So I find myself charting what I eat, how much, it's calorie content, protein content, whether it is a good source of fiber, folic acid or calcium. This is not my natural state. So I want the goddess with me, right with me, alongside me, dangling over my throat, my heart, above my belly. I'm not trying to get away from her. I know I am her. While all this change is swirling around me, that is not going to change.
She has plenty for me to hold on to. Joyfully.