Sunday, December 28, 2008


So I'm not in labor. Ive been having contractions periodically but not with any pattern. I know this means my previous claim that they are "real" is untrue. Let me just say that any contractions that wrap around and result in serious back pain should count for something ! My next aptointment at the OB cafeteria is on Monday . The Bean has definitely dropped and I'm guessing that I'm dilated at least to one centimeter.

In other news, Khubz is doing great. she walks around grampa and grammas house like she owns the place. Scully has the house unpacked enough that she is finally willing to sit down and watch a movie. We had our first "family over for dinner" dinner. To be truthful, my mom brought the main course that mysister had made but I cut up some fresh veggies. Anyhoo, we are feeling more settled.

I am blogging from scullys iPhone so forgive the typos and brevity. I have just requested that we prioritize Internet service. It is onthe list for Monday .

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Two new things

I found my potato masher!!

And i was up last night for a couple hours with intermittant contractions!!!!! Real ones!!! I know that cld go on for weeks but it is still pretty exciting!


I am overcome by the amazing people we are surrounded by.

Do you have people like this?

Need someone to check in on your house? To pick up all the random things left at daycare? To clean and scrub your toddler's sticky handprints off the walls? To pack all the stuff in your house while you go out shopping on Mass street? To come with you shopping on Mass street and take your toddler to get icecream while you get your shopping done? Need someone to clean every inch of your new sublease including getting rid of someone else's dirt, dog hair and stale cigarette stench? Need someone to watch your toddler for three days straight so you can unpack and get set up? How about someone to stand in your living room while the movers move everything in during one of the worst icestorms ever? Even if you turn the heat off in the house because the door is standing open and you were raised by a maniacal father who constantly said "CLOSE the door!!" How about people who are willing to come by after all the stuff is gone and clean up the loose bits? Do you have someone that will feed you an incredible home cooked meal right so that your last memory of your town is cheesy, tomato-y, pasta-y goodness?

Do you know people like this???
I have people like this in my life and I am totally overcome by them.


Things here are going well. Scully got iced in to Missouri on the way up to Iowa. The movers made it with all of our stuff and unloaded when it was -9 degrees outside. We had our first night in our new (albeit temporary) home last night and it went great.

Khubz walked in and said "Casa? Wow--Santa Claus!!"

More on that later.
Also in the story line up: My cafeteria-style labor plan (would you like a side of pitocin with that?)
Complete loathing for the US insurance industry.
Total adoration for the Iowa kiddos who have been exhausting Khubz in all the best ways.

We don't have Internet access and won't for a while but I'll try to do some updates while here at Gramma y Grampas.

Okay, gotta run after the girlchild.

love you

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

It is a hard day.

Okay, I've started and deleted a sobbing post about how hard it is to leave Kansas. Even though I'm going to *iowa*. Even though all of these changes are good changes and things we have wished and dreamed for.

We have found an incredible community here with deeply beloved friends. Friends who catch us and have caught Khubz. They are our family and have stood by us through too much travel, pneumonia, comps, weaning, crazy woman juice, a second Bush term. . . You name it.

I have started and deleted this post so many times because I have way too much work to finish up today to be crying all day at my computer. So instead let me reaffirm that I am actually really good at holding on to people across distance, that no one will be escaping my continued kvetching and that you are my family and I am *serious* about family.

You all know who you are.
Know also that you are loved.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Needing some big-girl-friendly

How ya feeling today?


I have been this big before but it was all actually me. Me plus the Bean feels different, you know? It is also strange to say to someone, "I feel big." There's this awkward pause so I continue. "Well, I am big. I mean, I am. I, me I mean, myself, I am big. But this just feels bigger." Then they look away and I look away and then debate whether I should say something fat-affirming so they don't think I'm being all woman-hating. Pretty immediately the Bean shifts slightly to the right and I have to pee.

When I was quite pregnant with Khubz we went to a friend's birthday party. There were lots of folks there including a large group of 21-ish, white gay boys. One of whom looked at me and cried out, "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO DELIVER A TODDLER!!" I replied, "it is a good thing you are a dumb gay boy because no woman would ever fucking put up with you." Okay, this is what I replied some hours later when Scully was driving us home. In the moment I just looked at him and said, "well, I'm pregnant but I'm fat, too. I get to be both, actually." Then I started a conversation with a woman at the party about how strange it is, really, that gay men and lesbians are grouped together in the same category when sometimes it doesn't even seem like we breathe the same air.


I am feeling big today. I am big today. I am always big.
It is all no bad thing.

Hippos are big, all the time, but this pregnant girl still gets to look like she's feeling particularly big today, right? All without betraying her inherent, fat-loving, hippo-identity. her big girl self.

So thanks preggo-hippo.

Back atcha.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

morning romantacism

Up again at 2 am.

This time at least there were nicer thoughts bouncing through my head. Things like, oh, when I'm at home with Khubz y Bean we'll be able to have messy breakfast foods again.

Breakfast is often rushed. Khubz eating a bowl of cereal or cheese stick or apple while the mommies do her hair and shove shoes on her feet. All this before whisking her away to daycare in time for "second breakfast" at CLC.

Of course there will still be rushed mornings and running late to this or that etc. But there are just going to be a lot more mornings with oatmeal, cottage cheese, peanut butter, refried beans or yogurt. . . All food that feels good when massaged into the scalp and therefore not helpful when we're trying to rush out the door to daycare. It sounds so romantic from here. Messy breakfast--especially the oatmeal. It's cold here today.

In other news, I had my last OB apt with my beloved Dr. Harris. I am so sad that I won't be laboring with her as my doctor. She is kick ass. Completely.

I've lost 3 more pounds but my uterus is growing so I'm not actually worried about the baby. I've also had wicked nausea most of last week so I'm sure I'll make up the weight here. After all, the major stress eating has kicked in. The bean's heartbeat was strong, all other indicators are good. Dr. Harris told me to expect a totally normal, absolutely boring labor.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

good job, mommy. good job.

Hi folks,

It's four a.m. which is indicative of my heartburn tonight. Rather than spin in silence I decided to enlist ye innocent readers. I used to post stories here, you know? Now it seems like random and/or bizarre lists punctuated by anxiety. We'll get back to the narrative flow at some point, I promise.

On that note, I neglected to post anything about our adventures in potty training. Khubz usually stays dry at night, often tells us when she goes potty, likes to come in the bathroom with us when we go. . .It seemed like November might be the right time to try. . . Or. . .not. We, perhaps, got things off on the wrong foot when we set the kitchen timer to go off every 20 minutes. NO. NO POTTY. NO!! NOOOOO POTTY!!!!!!

Okay, wailing was not the association we were trying to create. Frequent calls to my mother got us the advice that we (Scully & I) were clearly not ready, even if Khubz was (and it didn't sound like she was.) We tried for several days. Elmo and Dora panties. Shrieking at daycare as well. Reports from Funk over at Growing a Pair that Khubz was crying on the potty. (Even though Funk did offer to hold her hand--sweet girl!) Khubz does have strong bladder control because she'd simply refuse to potty for the 9 hours she was at daycare.

At home, she'd come in the bathroom with me and I'd sit on the potty. "What do we think of?" "Agua." Khubz would report. And we'd talk about rivers and rain and suddenly we'd hear the sound of Mommy peeing!! And we'd both open our mouths in an excited wow!! And then it would be Khubz's turn on the potty and she'd sit and say "ssssss" to imitate the sound. Toilet paper frivolities. High ratio of hand soap to water for joyous, bubbly hand washing. And then she'd run out the bathroom and piss all over the living room. Immediately.

Our only "success" came when she was butt naked, squatted down to poop and I carried her, pooping all the way, from her room to the bathroom. I just felt like we needed to declare some kind of victory, you know? Success in the form of picking up a trail of poops from one room to the next is actually a pretty hollow victory.

Well, fuck this, we said. Who needs the stress? We've got plenty ourselves. So a temporary goodbye to the Elmo and Dora panties. Welcome back diapers! The lasting impact that potty training has had on Khubz? When I potty Khubz will come up to me afterwards, pat my shoulder and say, "good job, mommy. good job."

I'll take it.

Okay, that story actually helped.
And you all do know that I've already polished the kitchen cabinets, right?

In other news, we got in to the townhouse in iowa today and it is all going to be okay. I think the space will work better than I had imagined, we should be able to get most of our stuff into storage in the basement there. Khubz had a great time running absolutely wild around the empty house with her cousins. Most fabulously, we dropped off cleaning supplies and my family are taking shifts over the next week or so to get the place ready for us. (i love them. i love love them.)

Scully has just arrived back in Kansas and Khubz & I head there tomorrow. That means I should really take a couple tums to knock out the rest of the heartburn and sort out my head/list/anxiety tomorrow when there are trained professionals (aka the family) available to help me.

Okay. Good night.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Evidence Based Research

A few things I'm learning along the way

Those who have been proven to be hardcore bitches in the past and who have no connection to their humanity shall remain bitches in the present and foreseeable future.

Lists do help prevent me from spinning out of control.

Polishing the kitchen cabinets only brings into sharp relief the other woodwork in the house that is gasping for attention.

If you clean the door of the fridge too early you will only have to clean it again.

And finally,

It's Scully's Birthday! Yay Scully!!