Shut the fuck up

I really am a dyke.

These posts are not full of girl-on-girl action, of heaving y licking y the occasional fist. Frankly, I wish there was more fruit here at the basket but I am a dyke who also needs to pay bills, pack tomorrow's lunch, argue with my partner y push the laundry off the bed so I can collapse.

And I really am an Arab.

I am pretty useless in my americanized, non-Arabic speaking way. I am not brown enough to be a collectible but my light skin y perfect English make me oh-so-approachable. My ethnic inheritance includes a load of anger, a suspicious name, fearful reverence of the evil-eye and poly cystic ovarian syndrome (the leading cause of infertility among Saudi women).

I never read the gaygirldamascus blog or the lezbireal site. My life is too messy to fulfill all the imaginings of racist boys bored with their own heterosexuality. They will surely continue jerking off to eachother while howling loudly about " not being taken seriously."

I will not compete with idiots y assholes about the glamor potential of my mis/representations.

I am busy carving out my actual existence.

My name keeps fucking up my whiteness

Scully & I were chatting about the events of the day and I said "but *I am* white for all intents & purposes. Its just that my name keeps fucking up my whiteness." She insisted that was the title of my next blogpost and here we are.

It seems like too much to explain but the boat now tips towards public school rather than homeschool. So she is enrolled for the fall. I have filled out the piles of paperwork to document her age & existence.

Then I get a phone call from the school district. They want Khubz to come in for a language assessment to see if she speaks english.

Yep. English.

Of course we think first of her race and name. In defense of the school district I did fill out a form that indicates I speak English, Scully speaks English and Spanish and Khubz speaks English with some receptive Spanish. So, in their defense, the word "Spanish" did appear on the language survey.

I get a call from a woman and she starts by saying "oh. you sound like you speak very good english." Thanks, I reply. I would be pretty lost without it as it is the *only* language I speak. She tells me that because I indicated another language exists in our home (beyond what is spoken by Dora the Explorer) we need to come in for an assessment.

It was a little funny. No, really. She's English speaking. I don't want to waste your time. Really.

But she insisted that we have to do an assessment simply because the wheels were in motion. Then it was less funny but still frivolous. So we set up a time to drop by the school so Khubz could speak.

Thumper is hanging out with Grandma. Khubz and I head off to the school. She is awed by the big-ness of the big-kid school. Awed into silence.

I am not kidding. Absolute & total silence.

The assessment starts with some challenging questions.
"what is your name?"
Khubz looks at me.
Can you tell them your name? I prod her. She shrugs. I look at her. Then she replies in her most heavily accented "G**********" ever. Then I ask her which nickname she prefers, Khubz or Khubzita. "KhubzITA" she offers, also in her best accent.

And that was pretty much it.

They'd show her a picture of a foot and ask what is it.
"foot" she'd mutter without moving her lips or looking at them.
"Can you use it in a sentence,honey? Can you say 'this is a foot'?" the woman asked.
"foot." she replied.

At some point (in about the first 3 minutes) she wouldn't even look at the woman. She turned to me, pulled my skirt around her and hid. Every once in a while she would make eye contact with me. The woman would try to engage her and Khubz would look up at me and say (in her best 2 year old voice) "mmmmommmmy!"

They started talking to me about ESL classes. I am not kidding.

Of course I support ESL and she would likely have met some fabulous friends and maybe her spanish would have even improved. (as might her Croatian, Swedish and Urdu--this university attracts a lot of international students due to a low cost of living.) But she speaks English.

I also never envisioned myself having to defend my kid's english. It is super weird to say "she speaks fluent english! put her in her proper place!!" But at the end of the day it is more weird to have my english-speaking child in an ESL class simply because she is shy and brown.

It was a bit unbelievable. "She is reading! Books! And I read her chapter books--not picture books! She is verbose, for fuck's sake!"

It was a good try on our part. Trying to sneak her in with the mainstream kids. But like a dash of coffee in the milk they spotted her right away.

She walked out of the school grinning at me like she was a little uncomfortable and a little giddy to see what I might do to her. As we left the building we spotted the library's bookmobile. "Look, Mom, the bookmobile! Can we please go borrow a book? I'll get one for Thumper too so he doesn't feel left out."

I stared at her. Sure, honey. Go ahead into the bookmobile. I'm going to stay out here and set myself on fire but I'll see you in a few minutes.

The next day the woman came by our house to attempt another assessment. We were in the middle of reading a book (in english.) Khubz introduced everyone (grandma, baby V, Maj and Thumper--all speaking english with a thick iowa accent.) She chatted about nocturnal creatures, whether or not they were primarily carnivorous, what kinds of magic school bus books we've read that explored these ideas. . .

To her credit, this woman seemed apologetic. The administration, she told me, said they had to go with the data they had. They could not take my word for it that my daughter speaks english, I could not fill out another form. So she simply wrote down every word Khubz said in the 10 minute visit. That was apparently enough to make her hand cramp up. She seemed to think this new data would be enough to get Khubz placed correctly.

Some of it was funny--because I know my kid speaks english and *a lot* of english

Some of it was creepy--because I'm sure in a parallel life my daughter "Betty Cathers" would not have garnered such attention

Some of it was sad--seeing Khubz get so small and shrink into the floor when the woman was speaking to her in Spanish especially. It made me want to scoop her up and yell "SO WHAT?! SHE DOESN'T SPEAK ARABIC AND NEITHER DO I BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE HER LESS WHO SHE IS! FUCK OFF ALREADY! AND I **DO** KNOW HOW TO SAY THAT IN ARABIC!". . . .ooooh. we're talking about me again. (uncomfortable grimace.) how did that happen exactly?

Some of it was just Khubz through and through. She is determined and stubborn and willful and enormously powerful when it comes to her own labor. She is self-possessed. And (at the risk of fucking up my whiteness even more) I would like to add a masha'allah.

Let's please all remember

when you talk about muslims
you are talking also about
those who kneeled in prayer before
tanks
rifles
water cannons
machine guns &
smoke bombs

And when you talk about america
please remember also
where the tanks come from

photographs

these are my children.

they did not hatch out of the earth

or a marriage

or a marriage bed.

they are my children.

they were created in my body
in a loving and holy way
with this woman.

I would not have these children
without her.

She is their mother.
My companion in creation.
My partner in the
everyday everything
of their lives.

& her
absence
in these
photographs
shames
me.

Jumping the state sanctioned broom

So we are getting married. Again. This time the state of Iowa is invited. Scully and I married six years ago. Our ceremony was outside. There was a stunning sunset. We called the four corners, were tied together with a lasso, exchanged coins, jumped a broom and bound our hands & fates together.

With all that, who would have missed a teeny, tiny bit of government recognition?

Well we did. So here we go again.

You can pick up forms in three weeks and I think we are going to move quickly. I am joyous, stunned, proud of iowa, nearly speechless, grateful to the queers who endured the hateful rhetoric. . .

And with all of that said, I do think marriage is kind of weird. I don't think it is the be all/end all of queer equality or ending homophobia. It is not the battlefront that I would have chosen and it is not the battlefront that I have devoted much personal energy towards.

But it is also not really me that thinks marriage is weird. Just listen to the folks who were trying to "protect" marriage. This is what they think its good for.

In prior court proceedings, Polk County lawyers had offered five main rationales for the law banning gay marriages:

• to maintain traditional marriage,


• to promote the optimal environment for raising children,


• to promote procreation,


• to promote stability in opposite-sex relationships,
  
• and to conserve state resources such as tax breaks.

Lets break these down.

Traditional Marriage--Yes. Please. Let's stick with tradition. Which tradition, you ask? How about one that allows a twelve year old girl to be married off to a 50 year old man? Yes, please! Tradition is good!

A quick side note on this one. I do wish the white queer groups would stop using interracial marriage analogies to try and logic people through this argument. Rather than helping people reason it only invites more emotion and reveals just how blindingly white most queer groups are. Why not talk religion? For real. Avoid the whole is it/isn't it a choice (who cares anyway!) question and use a religion analogy. It does go against some people's religious definition of marriage for a Muslim to marry a Wiccan. It does not & should not matter to the state--even though religion is something that can be changed. It is nobody's business and if a church disagrees with it then they do not perform that marriage. I think it's a much better analogy.

Raising children--Okay, let me try and do this one without being too bitchy. So if I was married to a man things would be better for the kids because there'd be more pornography around the house? It seems I've been confused about what we've been doing around the fruitbasket. I thought we were promoting an optimal environment for children. Forget all the endless reading of Mi Carrito over and over and over and OVER again. Forget ABCFroog! Forget the seedlings by the window, the expensive organic apples, the stomping in mud puddles. What we need is a man! If all these homophobe groups are worried that Thumper won't learn how to pee standing up they can relax. I'm a dyke. I've peed standing up my whole life.

Promote Procreation--because the human species is in jeopardy of dying out. For real, though, anyone who had the misfortune of being around me when I was on the crazy-woman-juice would know better than to suggest I hadn't done my bit to keep the human race going--queer or no.

Stability in opposite-sex relationships--Look. If your hetero relationship is threatened by the mere presence of queers you are in a whole lot of trouble. I'd think you'd want us getting married so there'd be less temptation for you to stray. "Poor heterosexuals. They can be swayed so easily." How is it that the homophobes haven't come after these lawyers for using this as one of their points?

And finally, tax breaks. Because this is the best way to decide anybody's civil rights.

So why are we doing this anyway?

Because this is the first time the government has acknowledged that we are a family with all the bliss and shit that carries. I don't think the queer rights movement should be all about achieving "straightland" and I'm not interested in "acting normal."

But Scully and I have obligations to each other. We have obligations to our kids. We live up to and struggle through those obligations every day. I just think we deserve the same government recognition of that. And maybe a tax break.

These two

Watching these two cry is making me cry all over again!

For Sure

There are some things I know for sure.

Barak Obama is not jesus. And I don't need him to be.

The "everything has changed" is not poised on anything that he may/not do next: policy decisions, leadership of his administration, whatever. I did not have faith in the people of this country to stand with a man of color, someone who refuses to give up nuance and complexity when talking about the world, someone who ran on more than bumperstickers. I did not have any faith or hope in the people of this country.

And, again, I do not feel magically like people everywhere have now demonstrated that they have risen above our collective legacies of racism.

But (and I know this sounds strange) I do feel, for the first time, like I have some sort of citizenship. And hope. It is a fragile sort of feeling.

But it is truly not about Barak Obama needing to be Jesus--he is not. He is and will be thoroughly human.

A few other things I know for sure:

Morning snuggles are fabulous. The girl joined me in bed about 4. . . The bean had already woken me up for our spring training at 3:30. Scully is in Tulsa. So Khubz walked up the little step ladder and burrowed in for a cuddle. Heaven.

I really, really can't slack on my to-do list. I did mop yesterday. . . sort of. Maybe "spot-cleaning" is a more apt phrase.

I am not worrying about Christmas cards this year. Because COME ON.

and then the world changed

Just got this from my good friend. She keeps me hopeful even in spite of Bush's second term.

Keep the Faith, my Friends! Today will be a remarkable day for America and the world.

"Obama's roots, his past and his multiple cultural identities stand in stark contrast to the profiles of George W Bush or John McCain. His understanding of, and relations with, the countries of the world--particularly of the global South--and with American society itself point to a different outcome. Taken together, his life and experience make hope for a new understanding of domestic and international issues possible.

On the most fundamental level, Colin Powell has laid out the terms of reference: Barack Obama is not a Muslim; he is black and Christian. But, in the final analysis, what if he were a Muslim? What is wrong with being ''African-American'' or ''Muslim'' in today's America? While it now appears that the US can live with the election of a black American, indications are that a new, virulent anti-Muslim racism has arisen in the wake of the events of September 2001.

Given such fears, and the hardening of religious and ethnic divisions, Obama's past and origins should make it possible for him to emerge as ''everybody's president.'' In rejecting manufactured divisions, cultural biases and the ''religionisation'' of social issues, Obama could well become the symbol of a new United States simply by wielding his stature as president to promote domestic policies that favour justice and equality, empowering citizens of all origins. The first black president's greatest achievement would be to cause people to forget his colour." Tariq Ramadan The International News

Artist Shepard Fairey created the picture.

We Did It!

We voted today!

This really is the most excited I've ever been about a national election. We all went together this morning because we wanted to be in the thick of it. We never go to rock concerts or wait for hours to get basketball tickets. This was our day to wait in a throng of people full of anticipation, crushed together like all the leaves on the ground.

It was awesome.

We got there right as the polls opened and waited in line about 15ish minutes. There were lots of kids there--all excitedly instructing their mothers to remember that its OBAMA they want. One 7 year old girl had her Mom's cell phone and was going through calling various family members to remind them, "Grandpa, don't forget today. Who are you voting for? That's right: OBAMA."

Scully took Khubz in first and then handed her off to me. We stepped behind the curtain and the girl asks, "Hiding?" Well, sort of. The lovely poll worker gave Khubz a sticker in exchange for his pen back. We were dropping her off at daycare at 7:30--not bad at all!

We have lots of people to thank: not the least of whom is Hubs 'o Dawn and the whole Pair Clan. Missed family time, stress & long hours are a very high price to pay--so thank your county clerk AND remember to thank their family's as well!

And, yes, there is bullshit in too many places.

But that is a reminder of the many, many women and men who have been fighting these battles for a long time. It is not all long & far away. These are clearly contemporary battles. But we also have a legacy of liberation movements. I vote in gratitude for those movements. Even when the voting options suck--even though both major parties agree there should be an endless, unified american blow job for israel--to not vote at all is a slap in the face to my father who cannot vote, to the men & women who died so that I could participate in this process. And frankly, given how the u.s. has been terrorizing the rest of the world in the last 8 years--to not vote is a betrayal to all of humanity.

So yes, challenge election irregularities, agitate for third party participation in debates, protest and take political action way beyond voting. . . But for fuck's sake. VOTE ALREADY.

Remember, all the hatemongers will come out to vote. Don't let them outnumber us!

on fabulousness & then on whiteness

Oh there is a lot going on in the world. A couple updates on our end:

scully passed comps!!! This is such wonderful news. I am totally, totally proud of her. Of course, she is on to the next thing: preparing for the oral exams. The order goes like this: coursework, comprehensive written exams (comps), an oral exam, dissertation proposal, research for dissertation, writing, writing, writing, writing, writing. . .

She is amazing.

We had an incredible date on Saturday where we decided to ditch the play and simply talk to each other for 4 hours. It was an unspeakable luxury. I don't think our friend Michelle had a similarly wondrous evening. She was treated to a Khubz who is thoroughly TWO and that starts with T and that stands for traviesa (mischief)

Though there was pizza and Bob-the-Builder there was also jumping on the couch and a time-out and a screaming protest of bed time. All this was happening while Scully was sipping her Mint Mojito and I was surveying the endless cheesecake options. We had such a good time.

Michelle claims not to have been scared off and has promised to come for dinner this week. Good thing. Khubz woke up happy as a lark the day after our date and reported the evening had been a success. Pizza. Bob the Builder. And what was the best part? Khubz grinned as she answered: "Michelle holdyou"

On a decidedly different note, it seems we need another electoral speech on race.

**********************************
From McCain gets boos at GOP rally for defending Obama

"Increasingly angry, supporters of McCain and running mate Sarah Palin have responded at rallies with loud cries of "terrorist" and "traitor."
At one such rally earlier this week in New Mexico, McCain visibly winced when his mention of Obama's name was greeted by the shout of "terrorist," but the candidate said nothing about it and went on with his speech.

Supporters at the Minnesota town hall meeting pressed McCain to get even tougher on Obama.
But when one man said he was scared to raise his unborn child in a country that might be led by a President Obama, McCain disagreed.

"I have to tell you, he is a decent person and a person that you do not have to be scared of as president of the United States," McCain said to boos and groans from his supporters.
"If you want a fight, we will fight," McCain said. "But we will be respectful. I admire Senator Obama and his accomplishments. . . . I don't mean that has to reduce your ferocity, I just mean to say you have to be respectful."

Later, another supporter told McCain, "I don't trust Obama.... He's an Arab."
McCain stood shaking his head as she spoke, then quickly took the microphone from her. "No, ma'am," he said. "He's a decent, family man, a citizen that I just happen to have disagreements with."

*****************************************

Okay, really? No, he's not an Arab. He's a decent, family man. I know this is no different than the "he's not muslim--look how much he loves his daughters" bullshit. I know none of this is new. But if McCain feels alarmed by the racism in his political base maybe it is time for him to host a speech on race in america.

Of course addressing race is Obama's job alone, right? He's the one who is "bringing" race & ethnicity into electoral politics, right? Because 200 years of white men were just a blank, neutral slate when it comes to race, RIGHT?

I am not saying anything new, I know. But does McCain/GOP have anything to say about race? Do white politicians have any responsibility for talking about race or more importantly, talking about whiteness??

" I don't trust Obama, he's an Arab." Attacking a Christian African-American politician by accusing him of being an Arab largely because of the Muslim roots to his name (and because you're supposed to cover up attacks at someone for "simply" being Black). . . This is not about definitions of Obama, or Arabs, or Muslims or Blacks. This is solidly about whiteness.

randomness, eh?

First, great news--I felt the baby move last week! The bean has been swishing and kicking and rolling around ever since. Watermelon is especially appreciated.

Things at work are better. Busy. But better.

Khubz is incredible. Our friends "MMshel" (also known as "Meowmeow" or "Rainbow") and "Lawrly" were over for dinner last night. Khubz ran Michelle ragged while Scully and I watched Laurie cook dinner. I love having you two for dinner, I declared.

After dinner we chatted, Scully got out the bingo and puzzle cards, Khubz sang twinkle twinkle, gave hugs and "I love yous" as they were leaving. Once they left Khubz climbed on top of Scully looked up at me and said "I tired, mommy." Whew! I'm not gonna make her say it twice!

A quick bath, a brief fight over jammies, two short stories and no screaming even as I turned off the light and closed her door.

Scully cues up the next obligatory episode of X-files. I made it the first 7 minutes before passing out on the couch. Scully woke me up at the end, gave me a quick synopsis of the episode and got me up to bed.

Other thoughts are swirling around my head:

My Dad. Its all so hard but it's not one of those "it doesn't have to be this way." because it feels like it does have to be this way. He absolutely loves me, absolutely loves Khubz, cares about Scully and is kind and considerate to her. When he gets a present for MajPaj he always looks for a parrallel gift for Khubz. When Khubz was 6 weeks old my Dad came home bursting with excitement. He had found pillows that curve in an arc and were shaped like an elephant and a bunny. They curve into an arc just perfect for nuzzling. He was thrilled that he found these pillows for his two new grandbabies. He got matching shirts for Khubz and MajPaj that say "I make dirt look good."

He loves them both. He does not question Khubz's place in our family or in the world.
He has a lot more contact with MajPaj because he sees him every day. Every single day. And that does impact their relationship. MajPaj and Grandpa have inside jokes, rituals, favorite stories and code words.

Part of my struggle is to make sure I'm not projecting all the distance and difficulty and tension that I feel onto his relationship with Khubz. At the same time he does get to be hesitant and tentative in relation to me and Scully. That's fine. That's human. There are some hard dynamics and they make me sad but they are not his fault.

But all bets are off with Khubz. He does not get that grace when it comes to her. And it is fine for her to learn that there are different levels of intimacy and closeness. But it is not okay for her to wonder why, whether the root of this is about her proximity or her identity. So I guess that means I have to figure that out a bit more before I rant any more.

in touch with the world today.

it's all bad news over at democracy now (which is actually indicitive of the what's going on in the world)

feeling sad today.

If you'd like to join me check out:

Democracy Now's report on how Monsanto is profiting from food scarcity across the world.

Anti-racist Parenting's post on how black children are the blue light special at adoption agencies.

This American Life's explanation (in plain language) of the housing crisis and how we are all fucked.

And oh, I almost forgot, happy fucking birthday israel (graphic pics disclaimer)

So I know I'm feeling anxious today & that tends to send me further in to my head. And I know there's lots in the world to feel sad about.

On the other side of that, here's a pic from earth day. Khubz was given a daffodil and pretty immediately the bloom fell off. That's okay, though. Because it was really the stem she thought was beautiful. (thanks to amanda for the pic!)

Immigration raids in my home state

First off: pop quiz.
What percent of the world's immigrant population is in the united states?
Fifteen? Seven? Five?

Less than one percent.

Solidarity Statement Concerning Guatemalans in Detention after ICE Raid in
Postville, Iowa
May 14, 2008
The following can be attributed to: amalia anderson, Carlos Ariel, Axel Fuentes, Reginaldo Haslett Marroquín, and Ana Nájera Mendoza,

"No one should be subjected to arbitrary arrests, detention or exile".
Article 9, Universal Declaration of Human Rights
“ Everyone has the right to liberty and security of person. No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest or detention. No one shall be deprived of his liberty except on such grounds and in accordance with such procedure as are established by law.”
Article 9, International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights

As Guatemalans (by birth and by family origin) living in the United States we strongly condemn the Postville, Iowa raid--the largest single-site enforcement operation of its kind in the history of the United States. Of the 390 workers reportedly detained, nearly three hundred are from Guatemala.

According to statistics from the United Nations, over 125 million people throughout the world live and work outside their countries of origin. Human migration is a global phenomenon fueled by war, persecution, economic and social inequality, environmental disaster, and poverty. International migration will continue until the underlying causes forcing people from their homelands are eliminated. As Guatemalans, we are too familiar with Human Rights violations and their lasting effects. During our country’s 36-year long civil war: 200,000 people were killed or disappeared and as many as 1.5 million people were displaced internally or forced to flee the country. U.S. funding and training underwrote the war – leaving the country in shambles and forcing many to leave. Those of us able to publicly sign this letter and our brothers and sisters sitting now in detention centers and unable to sign this letter, came to this country fleeing the effects of the U.S. funded, civil war. As over three hundred Guatemalans now sit in detention in Iowa, we ask you to grieve with us and protest the obvious irony.

According to the U.S. Constitution, all people residing in the United States, regardless of their immigration status, are entitled to due process of law. The United States is committed to principles of democracy and fairness, yet hundreds of people are detained--frequently without access to counsel and without contact from their families. Many are terrified at the possibility of being returned to a home they may no longer know, or where they will be unable to earn a living wage. In the case of Guatemala, we mustn’t forget the additional challenges of returning to a country devastated by decades of civil war. The U.S. policy of detaining and deporting people does not address these realities.

The recent Postville Raids raises questions about the continued role the United States government plays in the lives of Guatemalans. Unlike the war years, however, we now have the opportunity to ensure that core U.S. values of democracy and fairness prevail! On behalf of our brothers and sisters in detention—we call for transparent, fair and humane treatment in accordance with our U.S. constitutional norms of due process and equal protection. We believe that all human beings in this country have a right to be treated with dignity and respect, even in situations of detention and arrest. Though nothing can undo the destruction caused by the civil war in Guatemala, we are currently presented with an opportunity to stand up and not allow the legacy of our government’s past to continue in the present and the future. Fellow Guatemalans, join us!

For more information, or to add your name please contact:
Regi Marroquín: regimarroquin@hotmail.com
amalia anderson: amalia1609@gmail.com


from the dsm register
Concern rises over welfare of detainees' children
BY NIGEL DUARAnduara@dmreg.com
Postville, Ia. – Children of detainees might not be cared for if the detainees were afraid to tell immigration officials that they have children, said Sister Mary McCauley of St. Bridget’s Catholic Church.McCauley said she’s concerned that those who were detained after the Monday morning raid at the Agriprocessors Inc. plant were afraid their children would be arrested.

“Some could still be in an apartment, maybe with an aunt or older brother or sister,” McCauley said. “How would they get food if they’re afraid to go outside?”McCauley said her concerns were echoed by many inside the church, where illegal immigrants have gathered since after the raid, seeking sanctuary. “How do we get into the houses to find out when they’re afraid to open the door?” McCauley said. Trevor Seibert, who owns 20 apartments in Postville that he said are mostly rented by Hispanics, said he went door-to-door on Monday to check if any children were left unsupervised. He found all children with an adult, but now fears that many apartments are left unoccupied by Agriprocessors workers who fled Postville after the raid. Seibert owns a Laundromat, café, a construction company, the rental units and said he has about $2 million in loans. “If the bank didn’t work with me and the plant doesn’t stay open, I stand to lose everything,” Seibert said. “That said, I’m lucky the bank is working with me. I hate to say it, but do they have a choice?“Do they want to own millions of dollars worth of real estate in this town? I don’t want to own millions of dollars worth of real estate in this town.”Seibert said he didn’t issue rental applications to his tenants, and each of them was on a month-to-month lease. When he began to rent apartments to tenants who worked at Agriprocessors about 10 years ago, they were young single men, “a little wild for our community.”Since then, he said, there have been more families moving into the area and into his apartments.
“We liked our families,” he said. “Those were our friends and neighbors. You didn’t come into town and roust out a bunch of illegal immigrants. You came into town and rousted out our neighbors, our friends.”“I don’t feel safer today than before.”

Break Up

National Public Radio and I are not exclusive, but we have been going steady for a good long time. I know NPR sees a lot of people. And I'm not lonely-- Democracy Now! is more like my primary lover when it comes to media outlets. But NPR and I have a nice, stable relationship. We each have our own rooms. We see other people. We travel a lot together along I-35 and I-70. We wake up together except when Scully puts a Selena CD into the alarm clock/radio. So. . . no monogamy. But dependably together at some point each week & usually each day. Think nice, reliable, friendly sex.

So what the fuck is this about?

This photo montage to women enduring the shame of their husbands? Politely titled "Spouses in Scandal" on the website but "Standing By Their Men" when you open the gallery?

Let's walk through why our attention is being focused on this (& no, I don't actually think it is more evidence of a cultural/media plot against Hillary Clinton proving--proving!--that sexism is so much worse than racism. But is it sexism? Sure)

I hear all the time from westerners about how arab/middle eastern/non-western/two-thirds world women experience "honor crimes" because the culture (all one culture, you know) holds women responsible for upholding the community's honor & essentialized values.

So what is the point of that photo gallery?

A demonstration project of women as the platform for shame, pity, disgust, humiliation and dishonor.

oooohh, can you imagine the shame? another man! a prostitute! how humiliated she must be? my god, i just, i don't know what i would do. i don't know how she can stand there next to him. . . . . . . . .

It just feels so dishonest, so jerry springer, so needless. What are we supposed to gleam from looking at these pictures of men--and "their women"? Are we supposed to look at those pictures and deconstruct the ways this culture expects women to civilize men, shore up their dignity, connect them to state-sanctioned family structures so they aren't running wild or having secret liaisons with men in airport bathrooms? Are we supposed to look at "these women" who utterly failed in their highest social obligation to put forth a pretty image of a happy family?

I don't have any idea why that gallery was up there or what anyone is supposed to do with it.

Hmpf. I know I'll be back. But NPR? You're on the couch for now.

gaza today

Olive tree close
Originally uploaded by Laura Bell

olive branches
are not easy whisps of peace
not simple, willowy, bending branches

this tree is hard

tired for being attacked
because she lives & is fruitful

tired that the metaphor of
her own limbs
is used against her

Blogging for Choice: Choosing my body

Bodies on the margins have always had to fight for integrity.

Untidy, abnormal, non-compliant, oppositional bodies.

Bodies that can't be ignored when they're too big or small or too female or too ambiguous or too uncaring of gender rules altogether or too mobile in a power chair or too loud with their sign language or too brown or too black or too difficult to categorize or too fertile/infertile or too damn many of the above all at once.

Choice is the insistence on my body

My queer
fat
woman
body
My quasi-colored body

I use my body
in the service of these
illegal border crossings

I spill over
the sides of my seat
on a plane

I am a
passing
threat
toowhiteortoobrown
for you

I lay as a woman
with a woman
unscripted
in a world
that denies us

My choice
My daily choice
Is not solely about
abortion

It is that
this body
is
my body
even as it is

just as it is

without
anybody's
permission

Blog of Consumption

Uh.

You can all thank 2 shews for this.

It's good. A nice UMF! to our commitment to frugality and a much needed reminder of many things (like how badly I suck keeping up with my recycling)

So what have I consumed today?

• Morning's heat, electricity, housing, water to get ready for the day
• Deodorant in a recyclable plastic container, toothpaste from a recyclable container, dental floss from a recyclable plastic container, mousse from a recyclable metal container, moisturizer from a recyclable plastic container. . . oh, but, wait. Even though all those things could be recycled, our recycling center doesn't accept them.
• Gas to commute to work (alone because my carpool buddy is on vacation) as well as paying the toll to get here
• Electricity at work for my lights, computer, heat, digital serviced phone, the microwave to warm up lunch
• Ugh. Food: 2 apple/cranberry muffins, someone brought in brownies at work so I had one of those, lunch leftovers from last night, a dt. dr. pepper from the vending machine, another brownie, a cup of non-fair trade, pesticide laden coffee which i didn't like and only drank because i didn't feel like having water and i ran out of change for the vending machine
• 147 puffs with lotion kleenex even though they could easily use recycled materials, they don't and i may go to hell for saying this but I just love their lotion-filled softness

there is more. There is so much more.

Although, to my credit, there is not a third brownie to list.

And I'm posting this nice primer on fair trade for when I complain about how expensive things are at the merc (which is often) and for when I feel like our save money values conflicts with our mimimize evil values.

Goodbye 2007!

Most things deserve another look.

A different perspective.

An alternate view.

It shows us where the pits are, how thick the skin is and some places of unexpected beauty.

If you're looking for a good roundup of political events in 2007, I recommend this from democracy now. It's nice to hear about the year that did not show up in the local paper, the 'yahoo news' page, on npr (i do love them so, even though 2 shews calls me a nerd for downloading it to my ipod),or even on the daily show.

So if you're interested in taking a second look at the year consider this view that is not brought to you by ADM, Pfizer, Nabisco or Exxon.

My first "Fuck You"

Benazir Bhutto has been assassinated.

This isn't going to be a post with fawning over Benazir as the representation of all hope for pakistan. I know I don't understand enough about pakistani politics to even understand where the problems with her governance began or ended. But I remember when she came to power while we were in arabia. I remember being so proud of her and feeling like her presence proved something about us. And I even remember being surprised that I felt an "us" because I knew that as a Saudi I was not encouraged to feel commonality with Pakistanis (other than being Muslim.) I almost think that was the first time I felt a distinctly non-western womanhood rather than being saudi or even arab. Pakistan has a woman prime minister. Why hasn't the u.s. had a woman president?? I remember feeling proud about that question.

I'm not eleven anymore. Grownup life is complicated. Benazir was not the savior of Pakistan. But I still feel really sad about her death. She represented many different things to many different people. I felt inspired by her and also thankful, like she was my first "fuck you" to all the people who never talk about non-western women or certainly Pakistani women unless they're talking about a sexual assault case that reaffirms how fucking superior they are (see mainstream feminist blogs everywhere.)

(sigh)

Check out some good links via Problem Chylde

I get an "F" for Accessibility

I suck!

Sorry. I'll try to do better. . .