Thursday, December 11, 2008

Needing some big-girl-friendly

How ya feeling today?

Big.

Waddle-y.
I have been this big before but it was all actually me. Me plus the Bean feels different, you know? It is also strange to say to someone, "I feel big." There's this awkward pause so I continue. "Well, I am big. I mean, I am. I, me I mean, myself, I am big. But this just feels bigger." Then they look away and I look away and then debate whether I should say something fat-affirming so they don't think I'm being all woman-hating. Pretty immediately the Bean shifts slightly to the right and I have to pee.

When I was quite pregnant with Khubz we went to a friend's birthday party. There were lots of folks there including a large group of 21-ish, white gay boys. One of whom looked at me and cried out, "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO DELIVER A TODDLER!!" I replied, "it is a good thing you are a dumb gay boy because no woman would ever fucking put up with you." Okay, this is what I replied some hours later when Scully was driving us home. In the moment I just looked at him and said, "well, I'm pregnant but I'm fat, too. I get to be both, actually." Then I started a conversation with a woman at the party about how strange it is, really, that gay men and lesbians are grouped together in the same category when sometimes it doesn't even seem like we breathe the same air.

Anyway.

I am feeling big today. I am big today. I am always big.
It is all no bad thing.

Hippos are big, all the time, but this pregnant girl still gets to look like she's feeling particularly big today, right? All without betraying her inherent, fat-loving, hippo-identity. her big girl self.



So thanks preggo-hippo.

Back atcha.

4 comments:

scully said...

oh honey i love you. just look up at the moon, its a full moon tonight.

Sabine said...

You look beautiful.
Hugs,
Sabine

Anonymous said...

I get it!!! I so get it. There are many times I feel like that and I'm so happy you had the guts to talk about it.

But you are. Extraoridnarily beautiful.

Bekah

frogpondsrock said...

Hello... :) I always have a great answer two hours later as well lol..xxx Kim