Thursday, November 29, 2007

weaning in 5 acts

Some poems are written in ink or out loud.
Some poems you don't whisper to anyone or even copy off scratch paper.

This blog occupies a space between performance and privacy for me
So I'm posting this anyway. You can blame mango tribe if you like.

my breasts are humming
full of milk

i am my own metaphor

i am missing our ritual
where i nourish her
and she

she welcomed me
and i

warm milk for
a warm embrace

when we began
it was constant
every hour
half hour
every minute
every cry

and then each whim became
a ritual
a greeting
a way to share certain moments
morning, naptime
a before & after dinner snack
a way to get through
long tired nights

then came teeth
cows milk
tugging at my blouse
and she learned to nap instead
with backrubs
while patting my breasts

and now even the morning
and the evening
are faced without.
without my milk.
without me.

instead she has
her own self
her own body
in this new &
brave way

this is not our first separation
that was more dramatic

i pushed her out of my body

and i wept & i bled
gazing at her
with flooded feelings
of joy & fear

my pregnancy ended
my girlchild began

distance was required
to simply meet her

and now more distance

if motherhood is this process
of moving her into the world
i have just dilated to 2 centimeters.
there will be more
(like crowning)
but this is enough for now
frightening & uncomfortable & necessary
& not really the end of anything


Veronica said...

That made me all teary.

I can't get Amy to nap without a feed, so I think we will be nursing for a time yet.

the fruitfemme said...

Don't rush! That kind of baby-nap magic is priceless!

Anonymous said...

Weaning is traumatic!

I love your words.

dawn224 said...

Alex decided 10 days ago that he will now nurse and NOT make me pump for him 6 times a day. At 7 months he's decided this. It's bliss. Okay, after I got used to it, it became bliss-like. Yesterday when he decided to not eat most of the day and then do it hourly all night? Not so much bliss. I think your words are lovely. I hope you are doing well.

Anonymous said...

beautiful simply beautiful

ms.cripchick said...

"i am my own metaphor"

how true. i understand what you mean about this being your space for performance and privacy simultaneously. so glad you chose to post this.

frog ponds rock... said...

Thankyou that was lovely.

Precious said...

This was so beautiful! I love how you write!

Anonymous said...

My girl, you know I hate poetry but I loved this, not only because it is so "you" and "her," but because it is sheer eloquence. I love and adore you both.