Monday, December 3, 2007

A Post for the Posterior's Posterity

This is less a blog post and more a plea. Please post a comment encouraging Scully to make the only decent choice. Ask her to just let me take the damn picture.

Scully, it seems, is a bit shy. I should say first that it is her birthday--happy birthday, habibeti! And secondly, for anyone who worries about me on such occasions--i did remember & greet & treat her properly.
But so she's doing this whole "shy" thing. Now if you know Scully then you know that she is not shy. We can't run to the grocery store without me feeling like a politician's wife. We have to say hi to everyone and if we don't know them that's even more reason to strike up a conversation. She's like my dad that way. That's fine. It's just not who I am.
Back to her newfound shyness. So "you're not shy! why are you pretending?!" I ask her, exasperated. "What is you're deal with this oh, i'm too shy bit?!"
"You want to put a picture of my ass on the internet!" she responds.
"I wouldn't show your face" I reassure her, not so successfully.
"My ASS. You want to put up a picture of my ASS."
"That's stretching it a bit, yeah? Really, I just want to put up a picture of your bruise."
"The bruise that extends all over my entire left butt cheek. That counts as my ASS. No. No. Fruitfemme? NO."
(And before anyone goes & gets any ideas. I said I had a fruit fetish. Nothing else. okay? So put those nasty ideas away. I mean, come on. I don't even like my fruit bruised.)
Poor woman. She won't let me put up a picture of the bruise but it's bad. It is easily as big as my entire hand, fingers spread out. It is black with purple streaks. What happened?


She fell down the entire length of the stairs. Hamdillah, Khubz was not with her. Hamdillah, she is alright and the only injury she sustained was a fairly massive bruise to her left butt cheek. And since she's going to be okay, and since we'll eventually repair the railling, and since we have already swept up the broken screws and chunks of drywall. . . don't we need a picture to remember the whole story best?!

Please, talk some sense into her. I can't.

p.s. Where was Khubz during this dramatic incident?

Reading my newly borrowed copy of Foreskin's Lament. Nice. Nice.


dawn224 said...

nice nice.

Happy Birthday Scully!

I think readers would give you love and sympathy if we knew *just* how bad the bruise really was. I mean, FF can exaggerate, and how are we to know that she's not just full of it if we can't see for ourselves.... I'm just saying :)

(I mean, mah boobz are on the 'net to document weight loss, and your ass has to look better than the boobz that ate the swimsuit.)

Veronica said...

I'm with Dawn, how do we know if FF is exaggerating without a photo?

Happy Happy Birthday Scully. I hope you have a fantastic day!

frog ponds rock... said...

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy biiirrthday Deaaar Scully. Happy birthday to you..

I fell down a very similar set of stairs, when I was eight months pregnant with Veronica... OUCH...

and.. If I couldn't see my darned bruise properly then NEITHER WAS ANYONE ELSE..... ooops sorry F.F

hehehehe cheers kim

Rivolta said...

Scully! It's your birthday! Yay!

Also, Khubz did not have nearly as much hair the last time I saw her. She is just lovely! You could almost use accessories! I love hair accessories.

I feel like I am missing her childhood. I am a terrible Tia.I missed her first birthday. She doesn't even know who I am! Drat this 600 mile expanse of corn and soybeans that separates us!

(My new thing is that I'm trying to to curse like my grandmother-- she says things like "Oh, pot!")

f.l. said...

Ouch! Scully, I can't imagine how much that hurt. Glad the cheek was the only injury. Since I wouldn't pose for such a picture, I can't encourage you to do it. I think a pic would generate a great deal of sympathy, which can go a long way. Anywho, Happy Birthday. Glad FF spoiled you this time. :)

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