Cringe again

So you want more cringe stories? More, eh?

How about this.

I have a membership at an unnamed local video rental store. We had a family membership because you can get additional people signed up and it's free. So I go there with my first (completely ridiculous, shouldn't even count as a relationship) girlfriend and we get our movies. Some point along our completely ridiculous relationship I wound up adding her to my account.

She already had one there but had racked up so much in fines & late fees that they had sent her to collections. This was not unusual. Do not even ask me about the letter from a random farmer who had been selling pumpkins out of his truck when she drove up loaded her entire oldsmobile--including the trunk--up with pumpkins to the tune of $120 and gave him a check she knew would bounce. . . do not even ask me about that letter.

Anyway, so foolishly i add her to my account and think, what is a late fee in the face of love???

Well, the real problem was that since it was a family account I had been added to with my family (a la, mom & dad) the real problem was that they called Mom & Dad when a movie was overdue or missing. Every day. They called every day. And my parents would growl at me and tell me to take care of it and to additionally tell the video place i didn't live there anymore. And I would. And the video place would call my parents every day. Every single day.

Why?

Because, of course, my then-girlfriend had an insatiable appetite for fag porn.

If you had the opportunity to call someone's mom and DAD every day and tell them that "Let's Play Anal Twister!" or "Big Dicks, Big Licks" is overdue, wouldn't you?

To this day, I can't even go near a video rental store without shuddering.