Cringe

There's this family story that comes up occasionally when my sister Joe (tia lila) and I are together. It involves me getting righteous, indignant and feeling like the age gap between us gives me license to order her around (all of two years.)

It happened when I was elevenish. All time in Arabia is divided into two areas: the apartment (the early years) or the villa (the later years.) We were in the villa. Joe and I shared a bathroom. She had recently discovered that if you roll up a ball of toilet paper and wet it with water it will stick to the corners of the shower, the wall, crevices along the bathtub. . . all kinds of cool places.

Spit balls, really. In all the corners of the bathroom.

This disgusted me. I was not a kid anymore to be entertained or envious of such tricks. I was a woman now & appropriately outraged.

So I find Joe and march her with my arms on her shoulders into the bathroom to show her something disgusting.

"What do you see??" I demanded as we both stepped in to the bathroom.

"um. . .you've got your period?"

(cue sucking sound as all my uppitiness leaves my body)

Ah, yes. so it seems I've accidentally left my bloody pad on the floor of the bathroom. But look up, look UP, UP! Do you see those disgusting spit balls!

Yeah. So I cringe even as I retell this story, even as I did at coffee Saturday night with the sisters and a few others.

But I got to this story from telling a more recent story, one that had happened earlier on Saturday. Joe, Samm, my mom & I were all sitting in Mom's living room. Joe & Samm were discussing that virus that women are tested for just prior to giving birth. If they have it, the docs administer an antibiotic. I don't remember what it's called but I do remember that the virus is not a sexually transmitted disease.

So Joe, trying to cue dr. Samm's memory of what it's called, is saying, "Oh you know. And they tested you for it when you're in early labor? And Fruitfemme tested positive for it? What's it called?" She looks to me. I'm squinting trying to remember. "Chlamydia! That's right! Chlamydia!"

"WHAT? I do not have Chlamydia!"

For the record, blogosphere, Chlamydia is one of the most common STDs in the us. There is nothing shameful about having Chlamydia. My vehemence was only due to the fact that it was spontaneously announced to my mother that I had it. If you would like more information about how Chlamydia is spread or treated visit this CDC website. Just scroll past the tragic looking white woman at the top--ignore her. Back to the story.

Laughter proceeded as Joe perhaps realizes she picked the wrong virus. Laughter, laughter, laughter from everyone. . . except my mother.

"was there some chlamydia scare i don't know about?" she asks gently.

"NO. For the record, there has never been any chlamydia scare of any kind. Also for the record, there has been no genital warts scare, no herpes scare, no PID scares, no scares of any kind whatsoever. . . For real, Mom. Mom? For real. Mom??"

"okay." she replies with an unconvinced inflection.

i just cringed.