Thumper

Came in from playing in the snow and said they were "freezer burned." Omfg. So funny

Happy birthday, Thumper

Scene: slumbering mommies. One with a CPAP mask on because I love my brain cells more than others horror I feel about becoming a cyborg.
The other, in two overlapping pairs of socks because Iowa in January. It is 4:25 AM but no one knows that yet.

Enter: Thumper at the doorway.

"Um. Mom? We have a little situation. The dog."

"Was there an accident?"

"Yeah. A poop."

"Where is the dog right now?" (Mama becomes immediately alert. Dog is a poop eater.)

"He's down stairs."

"In his kennel?"

"Khubz is with him"

"Where is the accident? On your blankets?" (Thumper sleeps under a jumble of twelve assorted blankets—this is not hyperbole)

"Um. That's where it gets complicated." Dramatic Thumper pause. "You know the spot behind the door? Well, you can't actually open the door without. . . " continues talking about the radius the door required for opening. I heard none of these actual words as I anticipated the punchline. "And so, now it's all over underneath my door. "

Whew. Okay. "Whew. Okay. Spray. Paper towels. And a garbage bag taken right out to the dumpster. "

"Whew. Okay." Thumper turns to leave.

"WAIT A MINUTE. ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY." happy birthday, Thumper. "DONT WORRY ABOUT IT. ILL DO IT. "

"Wha—really??"

(Unhappily) " yes. Happy birthday."

"Thank you, mommy!!!" Dashes off to join his dog and his sister downstairs. I glance at the time. It is 4:25.

"I feel like this is a good argument for the dog sleeping in his kennel"