Dildos & Firefighters

P.S. The dildos and firefighters story is totally, unbelievably hillarious.

Alas, it is not mine to tell.

It does make me smile, though, and last night I really needed that smile.

:* (kisses)
j

and then the world changed

Just got this from my good friend. She keeps me hopeful even in spite of Bush's second term.

Keep the Faith, my Friends! Today will be a remarkable day for America and the world.

"Obama's roots, his past and his multiple cultural identities stand in stark contrast to the profiles of George W Bush or John McCain. His understanding of, and relations with, the countries of the world--particularly of the global South--and with American society itself point to a different outcome. Taken together, his life and experience make hope for a new understanding of domestic and international issues possible.

On the most fundamental level, Colin Powell has laid out the terms of reference: Barack Obama is not a Muslim; he is black and Christian. But, in the final analysis, what if he were a Muslim? What is wrong with being ''African-American'' or ''Muslim'' in today's America? While it now appears that the US can live with the election of a black American, indications are that a new, virulent anti-Muslim racism has arisen in the wake of the events of September 2001.

Given such fears, and the hardening of religious and ethnic divisions, Obama's past and origins should make it possible for him to emerge as ''everybody's president.'' In rejecting manufactured divisions, cultural biases and the ''religionisation'' of social issues, Obama could well become the symbol of a new United States simply by wielding his stature as president to promote domestic policies that favour justice and equality, empowering citizens of all origins. The first black president's greatest achievement would be to cause people to forget his colour." Tariq Ramadan The International News

Artist Shepard Fairey created the picture.

Check it Out: Edward Said Rememberance

Remembering Edward Said Five Years On
By Stephen Lendman
22 September, 2008

Countercurrents.org
http://www.countercurrents.org/lendman220908.htm

Born in West Jerusalem in 1935. Exiled in December 1947. Said was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia in 1991, a malignant cancer of the bone marrow and blood. At 6:45AM on September 25, 2003, he succumbed (at age 67) after a painful courageous 12 year struggle. Tributes followed and resumed a year later. In a testimony to his teacher, Professor Moustafa Bayoumi called him "indefatigable, incorruptible, a humanist and devastatingly charming....leav(ing behind) legions of followers and fans in every corner of the world. I am lost without him....I miss him so."

Chomsky called his death an "incalculable loss." A year later, Ilan Pappe said "his absence seems to me still incomprehensible. What would have happened if we still had Edward with us in this last year....another terrible (one) for the values (he) represented and causes he defended." Tariq Ali referred to his "indomitable spirit as a fighter, his will to live, (my) long-standing friend and comrade," and described his ordeal:

"Over the last eleven years one had become so used to his illness - the regular hospital stays, the willingness to undergo trials with the latest drugs, the refusal to accept defeat - that (we thought) him indestructible." Leukemia kills, and in response to Ali's questions, his doctor said there was "no medical explanation for (his) survival." No doubt Dr. Kanti Rai made a difference. Said spoke of him reverentially - of his "redoubtable medical expertise and remarkable humanity" that kept him going during his darkest times, and there were many. He later described months in and out of the hospital, "painful treatments, blood transfusions, endless tests, hours and hours of unproductive time spent staring at the ceiling, draining fatigue and infection, inability to do normal work, and thinking, thinking, thinking."

Yet, as Ali recounted, in the end the "monster (overpowered him), devouring his insides (but when) the cursed cancer finally took him the shock was intense." Palestinians had lost their "most articulate (and powerful) voice....(he's) irreplaceable."

Veteran Palestinian-American journalist Ramzy Baroud agrees. He called 2003 a bad time for Palestinians to lose one their iconic best and described him like many others: He "stood for everything that is virtuous. His moral stance was even more powerful than (his) essays, books and music (as critic, scholar and consummate artist)....He was an extraordinary intellectual, thoughtful....inimitable" and never silent or compromising in his beliefs or virtue. No "wonder he....was adored by (his) people (and) detested by the" forces he opposed.

Phyllis Bennis called him "one of the great internationalist intellectuals of our time....a hero of the Palestinian people (and) the global peace and justice movement as well....(my) great mentor, a challenging collaborator, a remarkable friend....his passion, vision, wit (and fury against injustice) will be terribly missed."

Daniel Barenboim called him a "fighter and a compassionate defender. A man of logic and passion. An artist and a critic....a visionary (who) fought for Palestinian rights while understanding Jewish suffering." In 1999, they jointly founded the West-East Divan - an orchestra for young Arabs and Jews who collaboratively "understood that before Beethoven we all stand as equals....Palestinians have lost a formidable defender, the Israelis a no less formidable adversary, and I a soulmate."

Rashid Khalidi is the Edward Said Professor of Arab Studies at Columbia where Said taught for nearly 40 years as a Professor of English and Comparative Literature. He called him "a man of vast erudition and learning, of extraordinary versatility and remarkable (interdisciplinary) expertise." We've lost "one of the most profound, original and influential thinkers of the past half-century (and) a fearless independent voice speaking truth to the entrenched powers that dominate the Middle East ."

On September 30, 2003, Columbia University paid tribute as well. It mourned the passing of its "beloved and esteemed university professor." Called him one of the world's most influential scholars, and said "the world has lost a brilliant and beautiful mind, a big heart, and a courageous fighter."

When he learned of his illness and its seriousness, Said decided to write (from memory) a biographical account of his childhood, upbringing and early years in Palestine , Lebanon and Egypt . Titled "Out of Place, A Memoir," he called it "a record of an essentially lost or forgotten world....a subjective account of (his life) in the Arab world" of his birth and formative years. Then in America where he attended boarding school, Princeton for his bachelor's and master's degrees, and Harvard for his doctorate.

He began "Out of Place" in 1994 while recovering from three early rounds of chemotherapy and continued to completion with the help and "unstinting kindness and patience" of the "superb nurses" who spent months caring for him as well as his family and friends whose support helped him finish.

He recounted a young man's coming of age. Of coming to terms with being displaced. An American. A Christian. A Palestinian. An outsider, and ultimately the genesis of an intellectual giant. An uncompromising opponent of imperialism and oppression, and an advocate for his peoples' struggle for justice and self-determination. No one made the case more powerfully or with greater clarity than he did - in his books, articles, opinion pieces, and wherever he spoke around the world. He made hundreds of appearances and became a target of pro-Israeli extremists. They threatened him and his family. Once burned his Columbia University office, but never silenced him or ever could. Nor did the FBI in spite of over 30 years of surveillance the way it monitors all prominent outspoken activists and intellectuals and many of lesser stature.

Said's great writings include Orientalism (1978) in which he explained a pattern of western misinterpretation of the East, particularly the Middle East . In Culture and Imperialism (1993), he broadened Orientalism's core argument to show the complex relationships between East and West. Colonizers and the colonized, "the familiar ( Europe , West, us) and the strange (the Orient, East, them)."

His writings showed the breath of his scholarship, interests and activism - on comparative literature, literary criticism, culture, music and his many works on Israeli-Palestinian history and conflict - combining scholarship, passion and advocacy for his people in contrast to the West's one-sided view of Arabs and Islam. He championed equity and justice. Denounced imperialism, and believed Israel has a right to exist but not exclusively for Jews at the expense of indigenous Palestinians.

The 1967 war and illegal occupation changed everything for him. It radicalized him. Set the course of his intellectual career and activism, and made him the Palestinians' leading spokesperson for the next 37 years until his death. He advocated a one-state solution and wrote in 1999: "The beginning is to develop something entirely missing from both Israeli and Palestinian realities today: the idea and practice of citizenship, not of ethnic or racial community, as the main vehicle of coexistence."

In a lengthy January 1999 New York Times op-ed he elaborated: "Palestinian self-determination in a separate state is unworkable (after years earlier believing otherwise). The question (now isn't separation) but to see whether it is possible for (Jews and Palestinians) to live together (in the same land) as fairly and peacefully as possible. What exists now is a disheartening...bloody impasse. There is no way for Israel to get rid of Palestinians or for Palestinians to wish Israelis away....I see no other way than to begin now to speak about sharing the land that has thrust us together, sharing it in a truly democratic way, with equal rights for each citizen."

This diminishes life and aspirations for neither side. It affirms self-determination for them both together in the same land where they once lived peacefully. But it doesn't mean "special status for one people at the expense of the other." For millennia, Palestine was the homeland for many peoples, predating the Ottomans and Romans. It's "multicultural, multiethnic, multireligious." There's no "historical justification for homogeneity" or for "notions of national or ethnic and religious purity....The alternatives (today) are unpleasantly simple: either the war continues (with its unacceptable costs)" or an equitable way out is found, obstacles notwithstanding.

Oslo wasn't the answer, and Said denounced it in its run-up and weeks later in a London Review of Books piece titled "The Morning After." In stinging language, he referred to "the fashion-show vulgarities of the White House ceremony, the degrading spectacle of Yasser Arafat thanking everyone for the suspension of most of his people's rights, and the fatuous solemnity of Bill Clinton's performance, like a 20th century Roman emperor shepherding two vassal kings through rituals of reconciliation and obeisance (and) the truly astonishing proportions of the Palestinian capitulation."

For him, Oslo was plainly and simply "an instrument of Palestinian surrender, a Palestinian Versailles," and worst of all is that a better deal could have been had without so many "unilateral concessions to Israel ." The same goes for the 1978 Camp David Accords and every "peace" negotiation to the present except the "permanent status" 2000 Camp David "generous" and "unprecedented" offer that Arafat turned down and was unfairly pilloried for spurning peace for conflict.

Said was on top of everything to the end as reflected in "The Last Interview" - a documentary film less than a year before his death. After a decade of illness, he agreed to a final film interview at a time he was drained, weakened and dying, yet found it "very difficult to turn (himself) off." It was a casual conversation between himself and journalist Charles Glass reflecting on his childhood, upbringing, writing, scholarship, involvement with Yasser Arafat, and strong opinions and activism on Palestinian issues.

It was in all his writings and outspokenness - so powerful, passionate, virtuous and a testimony to his uncompromising principles. He described "Sharonian evil." His blind destructiveness. His terrorism in ordering the massacring of children, then congratulating one pilot for his great success. The patently dishonest media. Its one-sided support for Israel . Its suppressing other views. Its turning a blind eye to the grossest crimes against humanity, day after day after day. Of relegating public discourse to repetitive official propaganda. Of subverting truth in support of power and privilege.

Of turning Palestine into an isolated prison. Suffocating an entire people of their existence. Of impoverishing, starving and slaughtering them. Of attacking defenseless civilians with tanks and F-16s. Of blaming victims for their own terror. Of creating a vast wasteland of destruction and human misery. Of sanctioning torture and targeted assassinations as official policy. Of committing every imaginable human indignity and degradation against people whose only crime is their faith, ethnicity, and presence. Whose only defense is their will and redoubtable spirit. Of enlisting world support for the most unspeakable, unrelenting campaign of terror and genocide.

Of pursuing an endless "cycle of violence" and consigning Palestinians to a "slow death" in defense of imperial interests and the national security state. Of pursuing peace as a scheme for "pacification." Of placing the onus for it "squarely on Palestinian shoulders." Of "putting an end to the (Palestinian) problem." Of placing huge demands on Palestinians and making no concessions in return. Of calling resistance "terrorism" while ignoring oppressive occupation as the fundamental problem. Of seeing Palestinians endure and survive in spite of every imaginable assault, affront and indignity. Of piling on even more and seeing an even greater will to survive and prevail.

Said was passionate on all this and more. He was uncompromisingly anti-war and denounced America 's "war on terror." The country "hijacked by a small cabal of individuals....unelected and unresponsive to public pressure." The Democrats supporting them "in a gutless display of false patriotism." The entire power structure characterizing Muslims as enemies. Passing repressive laws. Creating the obscenity of Guantanamo and other prisons like it.

Their self-righteous sophistry of so-called "just wars" and evil of Islam. The near omnipotence of the Zionist Lobby, Christian fascists, and military-industrial complex. Their hostility to Arabs and claim to be "on the side of the angels." Their inexorable pursuit of war and power. The media in lockstep supporting "hypocritical lies" masquerading as "absolute truth." The silencing of dissent. Of mocking and betraying democracy. Of making a total sham of decency, humanity and justice. Of letting a few extremists create their own "fantasy world" to run the country for their own corrupted self-interest.

Said said it all, and ended one opinion piece as follows: "Jonathan Swift, thou shouldst be living at this hour." But even he might have blanched in disbelief considering the current state and potential horror of its consequences. Said understood. He's sorely missed when we need him most.

Stephen Lendman is a Research Associate of the Centre for Research on Globalization. He lives in Chicago and can be reached at lendmanstephen@sbcglobal.net.

Also visit his blog site at sjlendman.blogspot.com

in touch with the world today.

it's all bad news over at democracy now (which is actually indicitive of the what's going on in the world)

feeling sad today.

If you'd like to join me check out:

Democracy Now's report on how Monsanto is profiting from food scarcity across the world.

Anti-racist Parenting's post on how black children are the blue light special at adoption agencies.

This American Life's explanation (in plain language) of the housing crisis and how we are all fucked.

And oh, I almost forgot, happy fucking birthday israel (graphic pics disclaimer)

So I know I'm feeling anxious today & that tends to send me further in to my head. And I know there's lots in the world to feel sad about.

On the other side of that, here's a pic from earth day. Khubz was given a daffodil and pretty immediately the bloom fell off. That's okay, though. Because it was really the stem she thought was beautiful. (thanks to amanda for the pic!)

Quickie Update

Hello fruity blogosphere!

Thanks for all the congratulations & good wishes. We are thrilled here at the fruit basket. So much is still unknown so I am trying to chill out (I suck at this, btw.) So what are we waiting on now?

The results of my beta HcG & progesterone tests. The first one was good. I should have results from Friday's test soon.

A sonogram where we find out exactly what our lives may look like. Or, really, not exactly. I had three follicles that were ready to go when we inseminated. Anything is possible. It is possible that not all the follicles had eggs. It is possible that not all the eggs were released. It is possible that not all of the eggs were fertilized. It is possible that not all the eggs implanted. I have been bleeding & spotting on & off quite a bit so it's also possible that not all the eggs have hung around. We won't know how many we're talking about until the sonogram. I am super excited about finding this out.

We (of course) will take anyone the universe sends our way, with gratitude. It does feel like something important to know, however.

In other news, we had a great mother's day weekend. Joe & her husband & MajPaj all came down and we enjoyed Mexican Mother's Day on Saturday and another Mother's Day on Sunday. Just another benefit of twice the mommies.

I don't have tons of time right now but I encourage you to hop over to QWoC and check out the top 8 things folks of mixed race do not want to hear. Nicely done.

Feel Like Crying This Morning?

A good cry.

A here's my sustaining moment of hope cry.

I had some moments of questioning when I was pregnant with Khubz. What if my babychild is a boychild? I won't actually share the actual questions because some of them make me cringe now.

All that is to say, I don't have those same questions now. Khubz helped teach me that. MajPaj helped teach me that. And Noise, Umm Noise & Abu Noise have helped teach me that.

weekend vids

Hooray for Sudy! The ending is completely hillarious. Here she is:



And check this out as well. (with thanks to Questioning Transphobia) Again, laughing, laughing, laughing. Some large generalizations, sure. But still plenty more laughing. . .This actually made me think of someone at work. . . some of you may be able to guess who???? (hint: she's not trans, she *is* a dumbass!)

Elsewhere in the blogosphere

There is buzzing, ranting, raving and a great deal of moralizing re: Elliot Spitzer. You don't need to read me pontificating here. Instead, go check out Bound Not Gagged. Lots of great posts, very worth the listen.

What's up?

Lots. . . LOTS.

Things are super busy at work with our grand tra-la-la of the year coming up next week.

I've got a couple of friends with loved ones in the hospital so send your good vibes or blessings or hope or baked goods to Topeka and Kansas City.

The girlchild has begun biting me. me. Biting me. Mama? No biting. Daycare provider? No biting. Uma? Now I will BITE YOU. Someone told me that 2-3 years is a preview to adolescence. Man, have I got shit coming my way. (sorry mom)

On another note, did everyone hear Angry Black Bitch on NPR? She was fabulous. I can't say it any better than she did. Especially when you compare her eloquence to my frustrated huffs and sighs while reading Gloria Steinem's Op-Ed.

Hope all is well in the blogosphere. . . I haven't been visiting in a while but hope to catch up after things calm down.

What would you do?

So I get this email from a dear beloved person in my life. If I told you who she was, she would only have to kill you also. I'm already risking all in posting this. I feel compelled (I can't help it!) because it is just too fucking funny, so absolutely funny that to not post it would only be inviting the universe to give me such an experience all because something like this simply must exist in the blog of record that operates as my prosthetic memory.
Just for the record, however, this is not from Scully. I think that's pretty obvious from the voice of the email but I think she'd like me to state that just to ensure everyone knows: THIS IS NOT SCULLY.

"Oh my gosh, Jannie, I am so embarrassed I want to die! Call me when you get home because you know when you have those moments when you are so entirely humiliated? Like say, FARTING not once but TWICE when you are talking to the Princess??? Oh my God. I didn’t know what to do! It just came out! LOL. Twice! And she tried not to smile and I kept talking but oh my god, she is typing it outto the others in her clique right now and seriously, all I want to do is say, I quit. No actually, I want to kill her so she doesn’t tell anybody!! Isnt’ that sad??! Like, why didn’t I just say, oh my god, I just farted! Instead I kept talking like it didn’t happen!! And then it happened again!!! Like, where is this coming from??? LOL. I am laughing right now because I don’t know what else to do. Seriously. I was talking to the CM that goes by “Princess.”

poop central

You asked for it, Rivolta.

If you only click on one of these links: please, please, please let it be the first.

A Braden A Day: It All Went Terribly Wrong

Mama Bear: The Mommy Hat or Too Much Poop Talk?

Crazy Beatties: Where Did The Poop Go Mommy?

Poop or Chocolate? : The Mommy Dilemma

Jess & Chuck: Poop Stories

Tiny Farm Blog: Manure Spreading Action!

Caroline Jou Armitage: Real New Mommy Fashions

Skt Baker: Poop Talk

Moore Dorks: Another Poop Post

Mystic Wicks

Don't be sad. . . Only 15 posts to go before I can use the "Graphic Descriptions of Bodily Fluids Basket" tag. Stay tuned!!

The Big Eight

You can all blame Veronica for my participation in this meme. Enjoy!

8 Things I am Passionate About

• My family: Scully, Khubz, my Iowa family, my Texas family, Missouri & Colorado family and family in a few more places besides

• Anti-racist parenting: Seeing all these ISMs play out in Khubz's world makes me think about people who challenge power all the while knowing that their children will be punnished for their transgressions at the same time knowing that their children's lives and possible lives depend on such transgressions.



• Being conscious of how we spend our money: Money is your values laid out in numbers, right? And sometimes this speaks well of the decisions we make and sometimes this speaks to the difficult options/practical realities we all face (are we back to talking about daycare again??)



• Encouraging broad & fluid ideas of gender: Yesterday Khubz went to daycare in overalls with a button down flannel shirt. "It's dress like a dyke day at daycare!" I proclaimed. "Wouldn't that be everyday?" Scully counters. Some folks misunderstand butch/femme as rigid roles but that's not what the dynamic is between me & Scully at all. Even though some things fall down that way (I do most of the cooking, she does most of the home-repair) lots of other things don't fit in those boxes at all (she does all of the cleaning/laundry and I forget important anniversaries.) I hope she learns there are a million way to be a woman or a man or both or something entirely different.



• Ending violence against women: This doesn't show up so much in my posts but it is definitely more than my day job. You'll just have to trust me on this one.



• Sharing food to build community: This has looked a lot different since Khubz has come along. In my pre-Khubz days I was known for doing "drive by fruitings" or spontaneous deliveries of fruit to friends' homes. Now it's much easier to have people come by but I try to always have something to share.

8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

• Have more kids. Four would be nice but I'm not sure my fairly infertile body will support this goal. Stay tuned.



• Stay at home with Khubz and anyone else who comes to us and my sisters kids (all of this would be happening in Iowa, to complete the fantasy.)



• Learn Spanish. This better happen long, long before the "when I die" stage.



• Take Scully and the kid/s to some Araby country. I used to want to go to Algeria but I think Kuwait might be as close as I could get to showing them what I remember.



• Learn to make my own cheese. And yogurt. And pasta.



• Own property in the country that operates as a retreat site. It would be fully accessible (like wheelchair access on the playground, menus for people with diabetes or celliac diseas or low carbers, multilingual signage, all of that!) It would be affordable for everyone (low cost access for women raising kids & living in poverty or for non-profits--at least the ones that aren't shitty & oppressive.) And it would be sustainable for us & the world (local, organic and homegrown food; recycled building materials, slow growth to make the project low debt.) Tall order, but this is a wishlist (sort of) right??



• Write more poetry that make good performance pieces

Things I say often

• "Abre tu boca!" Usually when Khubz seizes upon a cheerio or pinto bean of unknown age or even better when she finds an all together unknown thing and stuffs it in her mouth.



• Inshallah, Hamdillah & Mashallah. 'Nuff said.



• "I love you." This has multiple meanings. Joyous: I love you! Thrilled: I LOVE YOU! Wrapping up a phone call: Okay, I love you.



• FUCK. Way, waaay too many meanings to detail in this humble post.
  
• "Donde esta tu lengua?" Khubz generally does a quick assessment to see how badly I want to impress the person before us. Anytime I seem too anxious to show her off she keeps her tongue firmly hidden behind her mouth, coyly kept closed.
  
• "Before you sit down. . . " or "While you're up will you. . ."



• "What is their fucking problem??" quickly followed by "Who the fuck do they think they are??"



• "Next time, I'm going to. . ." I don't need to elaborate on that one, do I?

8 Books I Have Read Recently

• The Memory Keeper's Daughter
• Little Quack
• The Hard Man by Penny Jordan (yes, yes, I am ashamed)
• Baby Palabras
• Conquest: Sexual Violence & American Indian Genocide
• The World of the Forsythes
• Good Woman: Poems by Lucille Clifton
• Tightwad Gazette

8 Songs I Could Listen To Over & Over

• Swan Dive by Ani Difranco
• Henna by Cameron Cartio
• Would You Harbor Me? by Sweet Honey in the Rock
• 18 Wheels by Trout Fishing in America
• Jig of Life by Kate Bush
• Almost any Dresden Doll song (thanks alot Rivolta)
• Prospero's Speech by Lorena McKennit
• Remember the Tinman by Tracy Chapman

8 Things that Attract me to Good Friends

• Kindness & a willingness to give me grace for all my imperfections/failures/bad days


• A world view that the world works and looks differently for different people


• Recognition that motherwork is real work (undervalued, joyous & crappy, life-changing, world-changing political work.)


• Willingness to challenge yourself & me & others around the ISMs we have all been bombarded with all our lives


• Love or at least respect for feminism while at the same time critiqing the white, middle-class lens that too much feminist theory suffers from.


• Curiosity, sarcasm & wit (in equal parts)


• Adoration of Khubz, of course!


• Authenticity, not in representing your designated group identity, but in actually being who you actually are.

8 Ways to Shake Up a Meme

• Take out the tagging of 8 other people--my track record on my last tags is not so good, you know what I mean?

• 8 Poets Everyone Should Check Out: Lucille Clifton, Audre Lorde, Pat Parker, Cherie Moraga, Kate Rushin, Mango Tribe, Essex Hemphill and me!

• 8 Things I Love About Blogging: It's gotten me writing again. I've met awesome people I never would have otherwise met. There are people I have met that I've gotten to know better and grown closer to through their blogs. I'd never actually keep up with a scrapbook on what Khubz is up to. It's given me something else to feel proud of. It is a public outlet for my fruit fetish. I don't have to feel guilty about not emailing out regular updates to family!

• 8 Fun Words that Feel Lovely in One's Mouth: Ankh. Pumpkin. Zipper. Pantriculation. Sigh. Knead. Starfruit. Flame.

• 8 Essential Items In Case of Emergency: Cell phone. Cheerios. Diaper. Wipes. Gel pen. Change for the soda machine. Keys. Kleenex.

• 8 Numbers that come before the number 8: 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

• 8 Ways to screw with people who demand meme compliance: end your list of 8 things with a list of 7.

Look at that!

I've just been tagged with a meme. Luckily, Scully has taken Khubz out to the women's basketball game so Mommy time is officially at hand. . .

This meme has been described in a couple ways.
Check out Alex Year One for details.

Ten Literary Ladies & Trans Folks I Would Greet with a Bottle of Red Wine and possibly with a Mystery Package with a Return Address Marked "Open Enterprises"

1. Jess from Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. I know s/he wasn't totally ethical through the whole book but s/he was in the midst of seriously fucked up shit and I think things would be quite different now. I'd at least enjoy the cuddle.
2. Idgie from Fried Green Tomatoes by Fannie Flagg. Come on. I know she made your list, too.
3. Shug Avery from the Color Purple by Alice Walker. I hope she'd sing.
4. Gilda from the Gilda Stories by Jewelle Gomez. I have always had a thing for vampires.
5. Lilith from the Bible. Bad, bad woman. Good, good time.
6. Geraldine Granger from the Vicar of Dibly. Really, I'd take Dawn French just about anyway she'd like to come.
7. Lois of Dykes to Watch Out for by Alison Bechdel. Maybe Hillary, too. Definitely Jezzana.
8. Medusa. What can I say? I love the very idea of a dangerous, angry woman who won't let men even look at her.
9. Jack Sparrow in Pirates. He may not be a fag, but he is definitely a gender bender. And he'd make such a pretty girl.
10. Nacha from Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel. She was the one who taught Tita the recipes & magic in the first place.
11. Scully from X-files. Okay, I don't really have a thing for Gillian Anderson. There is another Scully, however, for whom I would definitely break out the red wine.
12. (oh yeah and--late addition) Viola/Cessario from Twelfth Night. Here's my favorite part when Olivia asks what Viola would do if Olivia refused her: Make me a willow cabin at your gate, And call upon my soul within the house; Write loyal cantons of contemned love And sing them loud even in the dead of night; Halloo your name to the reverberate hills And make the babbling gossip of the air Cry out 'Olivia!' O, You should not rest Between the elements of air and earth, But you should pity me! For real, peoples, wouldn't you open a bottle of red wine on that one?

What fun! Thanks!

So let me tag The Fledgling Lesbian & Two Shews & Rivolta (who better list weirdo Mulder on her list.) And don't worry. You can list boys (if you must.)

Quick distraction

For you dtwof fans.

I appreciate being selected as Toni (except for the cheating on Clairce part) so I'm going to assume the " straying from your long term partner" is an uninformed assumption that Khubz has been taking all of my attention. Clearly someone has not been reading my October posts! Also, I would go with "high-femme" and scratch the "highly-feminine." I am a dyke, thank you very much. I think Toni would agree.

Which Dyke to Watch Out For Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Toni You are Toni, the highly-feminine, Puerto Rican lesbian of your gang. You've been letting your attention stray from your long-time partner. It's time to take her to bed and find a new use for that goose-necked lamp! Toni 90% Stuart 85% Clarice 70% Lois 60% Sparrow 60% Sydney 45% Mo 45%

Who are you, dear reader?
Alison Bechdel herself turned out to be Stuart. Who knew she loved a utili-kilt so much?

DeLurk!

Do you already know about this?



Thanks, as always, to Two Shews for keeping me up on the blogosphere.

Today is official "DeLurker" day. I'm awfully glad you're here and I hope you leave a comment in honor of DeLurker Day.

(A Lurker is someone who reads the blog but never comments, leaving the author to feel like nobody ever, ever reads the blog. This only leads to oversharing in an attempt to cajole the silent masses into talking back. And trust me, you don't want to know about _______ )

So make my day! Leave a comment.

You can start by completing the following sentence:
No, trust me, I really, really DO want to know about ______ .

p.s. Don't be fearful--I've already rudely called out one person on the blog. I promise never to do so again. No matter how much that Sally girl threatens me. :)

Ouch!

So I found Ouch! via that fabulous goldfish. Ouch is a British disability site with a hillarious podcast, great postings and all kinds of goodies like this wallpaper:

or this

Check it out. I'm listening right now and can't wait for their promised trivia game: vegetable, vegetable or vegetable.

quite funny

How many innuendos can you catch?
I counted 19.

Simply hilarious.

Thanks to the republic of t for also linking to urban dictionary. You know, just in case you need to look anything up.

Well hell again

So I had this pretty funny quiz about Khubz all worked up and then the code broke down or fucked up or something. So enjoy a little bit of someone else's humor.

If anyone cared

I love stealing ideas. Especially from this blog.

Letters I would write if anyone cared:

Dear uncle bill,

i really wish we would have stopped by at least once. We drove by your town 4 times a year for the last 6 years and I just never stopped. Thank you for stopping by in my dream to meet my daughter. i'm so sorry. i just didn't think it was possible for you to die.

missing your presence in the world, Jannie

============================================

Dear Super-wacky, anti-interracial marriage, woman&immigrant&homo-hating evangelists,

please stop wasting paper by jamming your weirdo pamphlets into our front door. Our recycling bin fills up fast enough as it is. My partner already knows jesus and has emergency contact information in case jesus gets lost anytime in the future. As for me? I hate your god.

Sincerely, my soul.

p.s. i go down on women. prayerfully.

=============================================

Dear hoa supreme overlord,

what is your fucking problem? you think we have more money to pour into your shifty/shitty pockets so you can pay your son $70/hour to mow the grass? don't you know people live in townhouses because they are trying to save what little money they have? if you raise our gddm hoa fee we will be paying 1/4th of our housing costs to satisfy your neverending, ever-escalating appetite. If we did not have to pay your stupid fee (or if you had left your stupid fee at the rate it was when we bought this place) we would have our house paid off 10 years sooner. You are an ass.

sincerely, two women who do, in fact, own a hammer

p.s. that fucking dead squirrel is still in the yard behind our house. i am not picking it up. eventually you or your offspring will have to mow the patch of grass where it is decomposing. if that lawn mower sprays chopped up decomposed squirrel bits on my deck i will personally mail you all the road kill between here and iowa on a monthly basis (along with our check)

=============================================

Dear white canvas bag with pictures for my in-laws and with Sally's sonicare toothbrush all of which I was supposed to put in the mail,

Where are you??

sincerely, off to print more pictures and buy a toothbrush

p.s. are you with my old debit card? or with my favorite measuring cup? or with my flash drive?

=============================================

Dear daycare provider,

I am sorry we don't pay you more. Your work is to protect and nurture our beloved. You certainly deserve to be paid more. But we don't pay you more. And so you have to take more kids. And it is unfair of me to grimace when I heard you were taking another infant. But I did. And I can't hardly stand to think about it now. If we could pay you more we certainly would. I am so grateful to know that you love our girl and to feel secure in knowing that you would never hurt her. Even though she is almost one she is still a baby. I don't want her to be one of a gaggle. (unless she was one of a gaggle of brothers & sisters.) The kids she spends all day with are not her family. We are. How can I feel so indebted to you and so entitled at the same time? How can I feel such relief and such resentment? I know this is unfair. I know women are trained to compete, dislike each other, resent one another. I am profoundly thankful to have Khubz and always grateful she is with someone who loves her--even though she should be with one of her mommies.

sincerely, umm-Khubz

p.s. i know that none of this is your fault. i hope you don't think it's my fault either.

===================================

Dear Mo,

Please, please, please ditch Sydney. She is a two-timing bitch. You & your neurotic ways deserve better. Remember Hillary? She's got a kid now! Imagine all the anxiety you can channel into being partnered with a woman who has an infant! Endless possibilities!

sincerely, adoring reader

p.s. stay far away from Clarice. Do you hear me??

=========================================

Dear menses,

Uh. . . WOW. Welcome back! How did that happen?

sincerely, weaning-is-doing-something

p.s. the shedding is a good start. can you mention something to the ovaries about follicle development? just thought I'd ask.

dtwof

Dykes 511 web
Originally uploaded by Alison Bechdel

I follow a couple of soap operas. Dykes to Watch Out For is far and away the most intelligent. C-Span (my other soap) has dialogue that is always so scripted and predictable. Plus the story lines are outrageous.

The DTWOF strip has been a bit of a downer lately (something to do with the country in the strip being locked in an endless war or something.)

But I thought this one was perfect to blog about because Alison Bechdal has reintroduced naked breasts--even if she has a well placed dialogue bubble over Ginger's youknowwhat.

And hey--I've learned how to blog from flickr! Yea new blog tricks!